Journal Entry
Relocating or Running
By Shirley Riga
March 22, 2007
I am feeling very sad. I don’t know why. I have some ideas and I am still confused why. I don’t know if it has to do with Lizzie’s death which still pisses me off. I don’t know if it has to do with Thea in my life and my frustration around her being in California and me being in Massachusetts. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my feelings with my biological family. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my guilt I am feeling if I leave Lindsey here and I moved to California. I feel like running.
Today on the phone Thea said she believes a demographic cure is running away. I don’t agree with that. Is that what I am feeling sad at? Maybe. That’s brought up the most emotion yet. I don’t want to think I am running away but running to something new. I don’t want to own the fact that I would run away from something.
I am not a runner. I don’t usually turn my back on my problems but face them head on. I am not happy here. I am not happy with my biological family. I am not happy with the dependence I feel from my daughter with me. I am not happy with my work situation. Yet when I write this, I feel somewhat of a relief thinking I can stay and just travel. I want to be with Thea. She would make a wonderful addition to my life. She is warm, cuddly, intense and yet very sensitive. She is creative and imaginative and I love to watch her perform. I am very comfortable with her and really feel like we belong together to live out the rest of our lives together.